You know the script: go through high school, head off to Israel, return to America with all your new knowledge of Yiddishkeit, start college, wait a bit and then start dating. Meet and marry a nice young man who doesn't have much of a plan other than to learn for a bit and then figures he'll go into chinuch or maybe social work (not that there is anything wrong with either of those professions, I believe they're both very respectable). After you get married you move off to Israel for a year to ~insert Americanish community here~. Then you return and settle somewhere in the states, most likely NY near the yeshiva where he'll be learning, and you'll go back to school for teaching(maybe)/insert therapy here. [This process can be reversed from the guy's perspective.]
Again, I have nothing against the above mentioned jobs, communities or practices. The part that I take issue with is that we all do the same thing! Who said that this was the way to be 'frum'? Who said that this was the way it's supposed to be? Why do we feel the need to follow the same 'script'? Simply following the script is not what we are meant to be doing. I like to look at the world around me for help to understand things that sometimes don't make sense. My parents and their contemporaries grew up in the 60s and 70s. [A few generations in which, despite its downfalls, I have grown to respect.] When I think of these years, I think of free minds, making choices, standing up for what one believes in. It was all about breaking free of what society told you to be and do. And if you look at the way these people have raised their children, they've raised them to also think for themselves, make decision about who they want to be, how they want to live their lives. And so, in a family of 7 kids, maybe a couple are modern, 1 or 2 a bit more secular, another super chassidish, one living in Tzfas, and another as litvish as they come. That's beautiful! HKB"H never meant for us all to be the same. And you know what, each of these kids are as happy as could be. Each serving G-d in the most appropriate way for themselves. [This is not an actual family, thought it may be based on a mixture of some I know]. I can think of any number of families in which there is a similar situation, all with parents who grew up in the 60s and 70s. It is much too early to tell for my generation, but I can say that so far, my 'peeps' have already been described as a generation who takes no responsibility, who expects things to be done for them and feels it has things coming to them and who would rather do as little work as possible. So, I guess it should be of little shock that my generation are the ones to follow the 'script'. But, I do not think this is what Hashem wants of us.
ובחרת בחיים , the Torah tells us in Devarim. "Choose life." Ok great, what does that mean? Based on some of my own thoughts, but mostly thoughts and a shiur that are not my own: What we are supposed to choose is not very hard to determine. We are supposed to be trying to build our relationship with HKB"H. So, in His goodness, He gave us the Torah, an instruction book for life. We use (or should use) it then to guide our decision making process. But this is not crux what is wanted of us. The pasuk says ובחרת בחיים not את החיים . The goal is not for us to choose life, it is for us to choose. So long as we are using Torah as our guide, we can be assured that we are on the right path, but that path must include our making our own decisions and NOT just falling in line and following the script that was given to us by parents, family, community, school system, society etc etc etc.
I am not someone special who has any significant ability to give out berachas, but it seems like a good way to end this piece: I give us all a beracha that we develop ourselves to know who we are and to make our own decisions so that we can all one day claim to have made a life of avodas Hashem that is all our own, because after all, in the end of days (after 120) all we really have is our choices. Hashem should lead us down the correct paths, and we should cling to him for that guidance.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Am I alone out here??
About a week ago I heard a story that made such an impression on me, and has run so deep that I'm pretty sure I've thought about it everyday since. It goes like this (it is true)
There was a young man who was blind. He would walk every day to school with the help of his mother to guide his way. Towards the end of the school year (after having completed this walk every single school day) he wanted to be able to walk to school by himself, without his mother. After lots of discussion and convincing, his mother finally gave in. The next day, the young man got dressed, packed his bags, said good-bye to his mother at home and began his walk to school. He walked through the gates to the school yard and approached the entrance by the security guard. As he passed by, the security guard said to the boy "Well good morning John, looking sharp today!" followed by, "And good morning to you Mrs. Schwartz." Immediately the boy spun around, "MMMooomm!!!" as he heard the sounds of a bicycle zoom away.
Like John, in the story, we too are never alone. No matter what sad, dark and lonely state we may be in, lonely does not equal alone. Our Father in Heaven is always together with us, both in our joys and our struggles. It is at the point when we feel we are alone, that is when we are in a harder place, because then we don't even feel as if the Abishter is with us. Though HKB"H is with us always, we feel particularly lonely during the hard times, which is understandable. But it is exactly during those times that we are being prodded to connect with, talk to and develop our relationship with Him. All He wants is to hear from us, His children.
The well known 'footprints in the sand' poem captures this idea profoundly.
And this shiur by R' Leib Kelemen is a nice personal touch...
There was a young man who was blind. He would walk every day to school with the help of his mother to guide his way. Towards the end of the school year (after having completed this walk every single school day) he wanted to be able to walk to school by himself, without his mother. After lots of discussion and convincing, his mother finally gave in. The next day, the young man got dressed, packed his bags, said good-bye to his mother at home and began his walk to school. He walked through the gates to the school yard and approached the entrance by the security guard. As he passed by, the security guard said to the boy "Well good morning John, looking sharp today!" followed by, "And good morning to you Mrs. Schwartz." Immediately the boy spun around, "MMMooomm!!!" as he heard the sounds of a bicycle zoom away.
Like John, in the story, we too are never alone. No matter what sad, dark and lonely state we may be in, lonely does not equal alone. Our Father in Heaven is always together with us, both in our joys and our struggles. It is at the point when we feel we are alone, that is when we are in a harder place, because then we don't even feel as if the Abishter is with us. Though HKB"H is with us always, we feel particularly lonely during the hard times, which is understandable. But it is exactly during those times that we are being prodded to connect with, talk to and develop our relationship with Him. All He wants is to hear from us, His children.
The well known 'footprints in the sand' poem captures this idea profoundly.
And this shiur by R' Leib Kelemen is a nice personal touch...
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